i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I faked an abortion last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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