It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
two words: eviction party
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
