my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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