Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
