It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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