She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
