I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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