So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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