I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
