Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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