yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
