turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
