There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
