He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she told me i tasted like america
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
