He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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