At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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