Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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