see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You smell like stripper and shame
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
