one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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