What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
