i barfeds in our rink
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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