dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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