you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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