so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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