I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
