I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I want to fling myself into the sun
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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