i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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