i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
