my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
