It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
