I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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