This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
