Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
