Are we in a gay sports bar?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize