guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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