i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
