the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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