Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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