I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
