Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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