I am spending my child support on dildos
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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