just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
