She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize