just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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