Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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