My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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