can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
