mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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