i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wish my penis had a tongue
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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