i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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