Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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