i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
