tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
