So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
