508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Porn is love you can see.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
