Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
