Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
