no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
