so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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