fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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