I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
