That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You were trust falling into bushes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
