does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
