Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
