I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
