Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
