I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
