if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
