He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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