I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
