So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
