Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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