Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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