Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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