I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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