If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
