Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
